VOID Where Prohibited

Of course there is Jack Thompson, Keith Vaz, and Leland Yee, and their lot of regulars. We expect them, and though they infuriate us with their lies and misrepresentations, we can take them for the most part. It’s not them that I’m taking issue with here, although I have taken to cursing whenever I see Leland Yee on the news regardless of the topic.

The people I take issue with are the other hangers on. Of course there’s all the editorials out there, like Tim Rutten who are preaching towards a certain sector of readers who, like him, are out of touch with reality and fear change. These are the same sorts who found Elvis swiveling his hips to be obscene. Rutten refers to the game as “morally bankrupt”, displaying his own lack of understanding about the facts that GTA is fiction, and that most of the events in GTA games (remember, I’ve not played GTA IV yet anymore than Rutten has due to RROD) are presented in a satirical manner.

Now we get to the real stretches:

There’s the Joint Council for the Welfare of Immigrants, who says that Niko (the player character in GTA IV) will make life harder for Easter European immigrants by enforcing negative stereotypes, “The figures show that East European immigrants are not proportionately responsible for any increase in crime. This plays on untrue stereotypes.”

This begs the question to me, who can be the player character in a GTA game? Italians had a fit over Tommy Vercetti, African Americans found CJ offensive, and now Eastern Europeans are off limits too. Who is okay? Does it have to be a blonde-haired blue-eyed Aryan Adonis? No, that would just piss off everyone who is already pissed off at Resident Evil 5

Next up there’s The Timothy Plan, a faith based investment fund that makes a point of putting morals above profits. That’s fine, I have no problem with that, if you do not want to invest in EA, Wal-Mart, or Take 2 I have no issues with that decision. What I take issue with is trying to jump on the GTA hype wagon by doing a press release about it. Saying that you’re going to do business the way you usually do business is not press release-worthy. Not only do they not approve of GTA, but they also felt the need to take issue with the fact that Jimmy can kiss boys in “Bully”.

Of course we cannot bring race and religion into this without bringing in gender too. Over at Ladies Lotto we has a post decrying the graphic sex (yup, it’s that rocking car that everyone has been pissing about since GTAIII, only a little more explicit), and the fact that you can kill women (and men, but they don’t seem to care about that). This makes her feel ”sick, sad, and angry”, and she wants to know how to protest the game. Simple; DON’T BUY IT!

I’ve seen the video that elicited this reaction from Clothesminded, and it is clear from this video that GTA IV is a little more graphic than past incarnations, but it’s still not anymore graphic than what you can see in R rated movies (or indeed unrated movies), or on HBO. Yes, the strippers dances are more involved, you can now see the hooker humping you in the rocking car (fully clothed as far as I could tell), but I still saw no actual nudity (no nipples here). I suppose if you took that particular video as a representation of the entire game, then yes, it might disturb you as a person with a victimization complex. But people taking stuff out of context (such as watching only this IGN video, and not any of the 50 others) has been the trademark of GTA critics since its inception.

Moving on, we have Wesley Crusher himself, Wil Wheaton. Okay, I don’t really have a problem with Mr. Wheaton, not just because I agree with a lot of what he has to say, but also because he has actually done voice work on the GTA series. He wrote a decent blog post about his feelings on this, and he has gotten some free publicity out of it, so he still ends up on the list.

Now, onto the coat-tail rider that finally pushed me over the edge. Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD). You remember MADD, right? They were relevant back in the 80’s before drunk driving became a sin equal to that of roasting up a baby for dinner. In order to get someone, anyone, to pay some attention to them, they released this press release. They’re asking that the game be re-rated as AO (Adults Only, 18+) because there is drunk driving in the game. Come on! Seriously? If the drunk driving segments are anything like the impaired driving in “Vice City”, it’s not going to be something a player would do for fun. That sequence was actually a bit difficult and frustrating, and I do not expect it to be any easier in GTA IV

Now, after having been annoyed into writing this (which would be jumping on the bandwagon myself if anyone actually read this stuff), there’s one that actually pissed me off.. The Daily News has a story in which they got quotes from Tatyana Timoshenko, mother of Russel Timoshenko, a New York Police officer who was killed during a traffic stop in 2007. Mrs. Timoshenko is quoted as saying that some people it’s just a game , “but for me, it's not funny. It was for real. It was my son”.

I am sorry for Mrs. Timoshenko’s loss, but her son was not killed by a video game, police officers were killed in the line of duty before video games (or indeed electric lights), but it’s not her comments that angered me. The story is not clear on how they got the quotes, but my guess is that someone went to her about it, misrepresented the game as being about hookers and cop-killing as usual, and tore open those old wounds for her. To whoever hurt this woman just to forward the cause of censorship, I want to say a big “FUCK YOU!” You are a sick person to take advantage of someone who likely knows little to nothing about the GTA series to begin with. You should be ashamed of yourself.

To everyone other than Mrs. Timoshenko, get over it. Grand Theft Auto is a video game series that you wankers have been screeching about for 10 years now, and we’ve yet to see this rampaging horde of killers created by it. I’m glad you all want to get a little time in the media, but find other ways to do it. GTA IV has already sold millions of copies, and yet millions of murderers have not sprung up overnight.

People killed hookers before video games. People killed cops before video games. People stole cars before video games. People shot each other before video games. These are not new things. The pieces of subhuman scum who say GTA (or any other game) made them kill are the same cretins who, in ages past, would have blamed books, or rock music, or Dungeons and Dragons. This is not because it was true, but because their defense attorney thought it was a good idea, and because there were plenty of Jack Thompson predecessors out there to willingly back them up and help a murderer just to make something they did not like look bad.

So, in summation, to all you won’t-someone-please-think-of-the-children people out there:

Someone has thought of the children. The ESRB rated the game M for mature. This means the game is for people over the age of 17. If that didn’t tell you well enough that this game is not for your little Spongebob fan, they included the following on the back of each and every copy of the game:

Intense Violence, Blood,

Strong Language,

Strong Sexual Content,

Partial Nudity,

Use of Drugs and Alcohol


Yup, those are further explanations as to why this game is for adults, not kids. So lets all get over ourselves, and find real things to piss and moan about instead of pissing and moaning about fictional crimes, okay? Oh, and to The Daily News; fuck you.

The following is the PTC press release in quote, with my snide comments in bold

“Since the first version was released in 1997, the Grand Theft Auto series has lowered the bar for appalling video game content.”

I agree with this. It takes much less to piss idiots like this off nowadays. The bar used to be much higher when it came to getting the attention of the self-appointed watchdogs.

“And now, the game’s fourth installment, Grand Theft Auto IV: Liberty City,”

Umm, isn’t it just “Grand Theft Auto IV”? I guess it wouldn’t be standard watchdog claptrap is they actually got the name right.

“ is set for release April 29th. We urgently need you to take action today to keep this brutally violent video game out of the hands of children.”

The action to take is easy… DON’T BUY IT FOR YOUR CHILD!

“The Grand Theft Auto games include constant graphic violence and sexual situations. In past versions, players could re-enact having sex with a prostitute,”

Because nothing gets me hotter than watching a car rock back and forth.

“beating her bloody, taking her money and running her over with a car;”

Of course you could do this to anyone on the street, even someone you just dropped off in taxi driver mode.

“shooting at police officers; and, by using a code easily accessible on many internet sites,”

Totally inaccurate. It was not just a simple code you would put in like the health or gun cheats. “Hot Coffee” was not intended to be a part of the game, and was not accessible as part of the normal gameplay.

“ having a realistic sexual encounter on screen”

Have you ever had sex, Mr. Winter? That was about as realistic as a game of “Afterburner” is to flying a real jet!

“ -- complete with audio commentary.”

Huh? Do you mean like director’s commentary? Maybe a colour commentary like in “Madden”. If you mean just CJ’s random comments… umm, yeah, not really what I would call commentary.

“ This modification in the 2005 game was not disclosed to the Entertainment Software Ratings Board (ESRB) when they classified the game M, which carried a suggested age of 17 and up for purchase.”

Of course the change in rating (aside from effectively banning the game so that adults could no longer purchase it) only changed the age it was for by one single year. That’s right, people humping in their underwear are not appropriate for 17 year olds, but it i’s okay if you’re 18.

“The PTC is asking its members to call on all major retailers:


1) To reconsider any decisions to sell Grand Theft Auto IV: Liberty City. “

Done! No such game exists.

Seriously, they are asking retailers to turn their nose up to what is likely to be the biggest game this year (certainly this quarter) because they do not think anyone should be able to decide for themselves or their children what is okay to play.

“2) To insist that Take Two Interactive (which publishes the game) and the Entertainment Software Rating Board (ESRB) actually review all playable content before issuing a rating for the game.”

If the ESRB wants to hire people to play games all day, just tell me where to apply.

“ Given Take-Two Interactive's reckless or intentional misleading of the ESRB and ESRB’s failure to respond quickly in the aftermath of the “hot coffee” mod fiasco stemming from the previous edition of GTA, retailers must be reassured, in writing, that the rating given the game is accurate and that there is no hidden or modifiable content in the game. “

This shows how really out of touch these people are. Asking for reassurance that the game not be modifiable is like asking that a photo not be shoopable. You may as well ask that all cartoons not be able to be subjected to Rule 34, or that fire be made so that it cannot burn people. For PC users in particular, modding a game can be a major draw. The reason I will be buying “Fallout 3” for PC instead of 360 will be for the mods.

“3) To insist that the game not be displayed in view of minors, and retailers must check photo ID before sales. “

Unless you are going to start keeping all R rated movies out of the view of minors, this is a ludicrous request. There is nothing on the box that is any worse than the box of a horror DVD. My local Toys R Us keeps M rated display boxes locked up behind the counter, and as a result I only look there at all when they are having one of their “buy 2 get 1” game sales. I shouldn’t have to find someone with a key to let me look at the box of a game, EVER.

As for checking my ID? I do not really have a problem with that, as there is no legitimate reason for me to be out shopping without my ID. That said, I don’t get carded when buying alcohol, so it really should not be needed to buy a game.

“4) And finally, to call on retailers not to not market this video game to children.”

Already done. M rated games are generally marketed the same way as R rated movies. If there is not a problem with advertising “Saw” or “Hostel” on the side of a bus, or during wrasslin’, then there should be no issues with advertising GTA the same way.

“Legally, stores can not sell children pornographic magazines or handguns – but they can legally sell video games to children that contain pornographic content”

No they can’t. There are no M rated games that contain porn. There are import games (mostly PC titles), and other software (again, for PCs) that are not rated by the ESRB, and are not sold in normal retail outlets along side normal video games.

These stores can, however, quite legally sell a copy of Stephen King’s “It”, or the unrated (or rated version actually) of any horror film to minors. They generally don’t due to store guidelines, but there is no law regarding it.

“ or that teach children how to kill.”

They sell books like that too… like the Bible.

“ In the wake of the horrific school shootings in Paducah, KY, Lt. Col. Dave Grossman , a West Point psychology professor, Professor of Military Science, and an Army Ranger stated:


"Certain types of these (video) games are actually killing simulators, and they teach our kids to kill in much the same say the astronauts on Apollo 11 learned how to fly to the moon without ever leaving the ground... All you have to do is see what kids are being scripted to do (on the video games) to get the high scores, and you know that in a very short period of time, their dark fantasies are going to become your tragic realities.”

Grossman has an agenda, plain and simple. The Apollo astronauts did not train using a joystick and a TV screen. If GTA (or games in general) actually trained people to be killers, then the sheer number of GTA titles sold would seem to indicate that there should be literally millions of bloodthirsty gamers roaming the globe killing all they see. There is not, there will not be, and the reason for this is that GTA does not train me to kill effectively anymore than Tony Hawk has trained me to be a professional quality skateboarder.

“We must demand that retailers do their part to keep socially irresponsible games like Grand Theft Auto IV: Liberty City out of the hands of children.”

Yes, the responsibility should be that of Wal-Mart, not the parent shelling out the $60 to buy the game for their kid. Why should parents take any responsibility when it comes to raising their own breedlings?

“ Please take action today.”

Get sterilized, or kill yourself

“ And please share this email with every concerned adult you know.”

It will help them know what a complete idiot you are.

“Sincerely,


Timothy F. Winter”

Wanker

“President

Parents Television Council"

The Red Ring of Death is when the four part Ring of Light surrounding the 360’s power button starts flashing three quarters red. This means there has been a hardware failure, which means that you’re screwed. Well, I’m screwed. It’s well documented, and Microsoft has “generously” extended their warranty to three years to cover this specific issue.

Of course this means that I have to send my system to them for repair/replacement which means that when I pick up my copy of GTAIV at the end of the month I’ll get to enjoy looking at the artwork and listening to the soundtrack CD, and marveling at my duffle bag and lockbox, but I will not get to actually play the game. Also, I will lose the last two weeks of my 1 month of Xbox Live Gold that came with the system once I finally got it to connect to Live properly.

To Microsoft’s credit, they were prompt in sending out the pre-paid box to ship the unit to them in, I just need to get to the UPS store while they are actually open to ship it off. Then it’s just a matter of waiting until they repair my unit, or (more likely) ship me a refurbished unit that someone else sent in with the exact same issue.

The problem with them sending it back is that I will need to sign for it, as they are wisely not going to have UPS just leave it on my doorstep (I’ve never had anyone tamper with items left at my door, but then those items have never been a video game system). The reason this is a problem is, that like most gamers, I am an adult. I hold down a typical 9 to 5 kinda job. UPS delivers during those 9 to 5 kinda hours. If I was still with KB, I could probably switch with someone to be home for delivery, but here I would need to get the day off. I’m not sure how I’m going to pull this off.

So until I get my 360 back my Rock Band instruments will just gather dust, my Samurai Warriors shall do no battle, and my junkyard full of Burnout cars will sit and rust. This sucks

If there can be said to be anything good about this, it’s that with “Persona 3 FES” coming out next week, at least I’ll not be tempted to play something else on 360. Who knows, maybe I’ll finish FES before I get my 360 back, and end up dropping it for GTAIV.

So let’s see, what have I been up to in the last month?

Well, I’ve pretty much given up on Burnout Paradise. BP is a game which actively dislikes the player, and wants to make you work for every second of fun you get. Atomicka is annoying, there is no quick way to start an event (having to drive around and around to find one I’ve not done is not being friendly to the player, especially when there is no way to mark it on the map the way you can in most sandbox GTA-style games), no way to restart an event once it is started (if you make one wrong turn, that’s it, you’ve lost. You still have to finish the event though, and then find the start point again, see previous parenthetical to guess how easy that is), and no crash mode equals fail. Maybe I’ll try it out online and see if that helps any.

I finally got my crap together and got my 360 online, so I now have a gamertag and everything. The reason I finally did this was Easter (sort of). You see, Wife and I did not have time to do any Easter shopping, so she suggested (yes, it was her idea, not mine) that we go in together and buy “Rock Band”. So we did.

The game is fun, but somewhat difficult, and it comes with a lot of stuff for your $150-$180. You get the game, one guitar (which means we need to get a second), a microphone, a drumset, and all the cables and the USB hub you need to get it all working. The game is great, but wife is dissatisfied that there are not a lot of songs that she likes (or is indeed even familiar with). She thinks a lot of the heavier stuff is “ugly”, but I point out to her that it is called “Rock Band” no “Folk Band”. We had similar discussions surrounding “Guitar Hero” too.

So the reason I had to get online was to get more songs in the Rock Band store on Xbox Live. There are a few we will likely buy; “Last Train to Clarksville” is an obvious one, “Fortunate Son” maybe, and probably the Boston Pack. The real reason I wanted to go online though was that “Still Alive” was released on the 31st, and it was free. It’s a tougher song than you would think, we failed out on our first try.

Since completing “Eternal Sonata”, I have been on a classical music kick, so I have acquired a bunch of classical (mostly Chopin so far) music and made a classical playlist on my iPod. It’s kind of soothing to listen to at work.

I’ve also obtained a bunch of books, new and used, to add to the stack of books I’ve not read. The used bookstore finally had a copy of “I Am Legend” without Wil Smith on the cover (I hate buying movie versions of books, it makes people think you only bought it because of the movie, and I have not even seen the movie, I bought it because it sounds good), as well as “Kingdom Hearts” volume 2, “Excel Saga” volume 3, and a Shadowrun book I didn’t have. Wife found some volumes of “The Dreaming” and “Fruits Basket” that she needed.

As far as new books go, I’ve started reading “Yotsuba&!”; it’s by Kiyohiko Azuma, the creator of “Azumanga Daioh”, one of my faves. It’s different, but it still retains the innocent charm of AD as well as being a sort of day-in-the-life-of story (no big story arcs, no real conflict persay), and it contains the cutest shooting spree of any book ever. I also picked up “Shin Megami Tensei Kahn” volume 1, but I’ve yet to read it.

I am still reading “Duma Key”, but I’m not far into it. I don’t know if it’s just that the story is failing to grab me, or if it’s just that I’ve changed, but this is the longest it has ever taken me to get into a Stephen King novel, including bad ones like “The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon” (fraggin’ wasp bear!). This worries me some….

On a sad note, I am without a local radio station to listen to again. On Sunday morning, my local progressive station flipped to become a gospel station (there’s you a ratings goldmine), this means no more Stephanie Miller for me. This is sad to me, as there is once again nothing but right wing talk available to me again over the air. Thank God for podcasts.

Of course, whenever one door closes another opens. With that in mind I am happy to say that PodCastle is finally live. PodCastle is the fantasy sibling of EscapePod and PseudoPod. Their first story is “Come Lady Death” by Paul S. Jenkins, and it is a lovely tale of a woman who invites Death to a party. I am not being facetious; it really is a beautiful story. If you are at all into fantasy, you should check it out here .

Finally, the wife and I made a trip to the movies over the weekend, and it’s been awhile since we have gone to one (Order of the Phoenix may have been the last one). We went and checked out the new Simon Pegg/ Dylan Moran film, “Run Fatboy, Run”. A romantic comedy (and it is one) is an odd choice for Simon Pegg, but it works. I may write more on that later.

Current Mood: mischievous

Dr. Laura has published a number of books, usually about the stupid things people do to screw up their lives, and she should know. She was so estranged from her mother than the woman lay dead for months in her condo (I don’t suppose I have any personal room to talk here, so shall move on to things I’m could not be seen as guilty of). She had an affair with radio man Bill Balance, and even posed for nude pictures for him which ended up on the internet in the late 90’s. She started a relationship with her husband while he was still married to another woman that he had children with, and lived with him out of wedlock for a time. She, as her “son’s mother”, raised an apparent sociopath who loves being in the military in Iraq because “it takes everything reckless and deviant and heathenistic and just overall bad about me and hyper focuses these traits into my job of running around this horrid place doing nasty things to people that deserve it . . . and some that don't", or at least that’s what his MySpace page before it was taken down after word of its existence got to members of the media; supposedly this page was just “untrue propaganda” put up by our enemies according to Army spokesperson Robert Tallman (It’s good to know that Al Queda realizes the importance of Dr. Laura to American morale). As you can see, she certainly knows exactly what to do to screw up your life.

Aside from her books, Dr. Laura also had a TV show that was cancelled after about a year due partly to the fact it was boring, partly due to the fact that she had staff members pose as guests but mostly due to the fact that she is a giant homophobe, and the public just wouldn’t stand for it. There was also a Dr. Laura board game. The makers of the game must have realized there was a secondary market for it aside from Dr. Laura fans, because they put her face in the center of it, and made the board round and just the perfect size to fit on your average dart board.

From the preceding, you can probably tell that I’m not much of a fan of the good doctor, but that doesn’t mean that I think she gets everything wrong. On March 10, Dr. Laura appeared on TODAY to talk about disgraced New York Governor, Eliot Spitzer. During the discussion, she stated the following:

“When the wife does not focus in on the needs and the feelings, sexually, personally, to make him feel like a man, to make him feel like a success, to make him feel like her hero, he’s very susceptible to the charm of some other woman making him feel what he needs,”

That’s right, it was Silda Spitzer’s fault that her husband sought out a hooker, so he could feel manly. This did not sit well with other panel guests, so Meredith Vieria asked for clarification. Dr. Laura responded:

“The cheating was his decision to repair what’s damaged and to feed himself where he’s starving”

“Yes, I hold women responsible for tossing out perfectly good men by not treating them with the love and kindness and respect and attention they need.”

Awesome! So that means that if I am feeling less that whole, I can cheat on my wife. That is just so great, as I have the approval of America’s moral compass it won’t be my fault. Think of the impact this could have on society? What changes will this make in romance? Divorces? It’s just so awesome.

What? You don’t think she’s right? Think again, ladies. If you want to keep your man, it’s time to get your freak on! Threesomes? Sure! Dress up like a Japanese school girl and call him “sensei”? You bet! Does he want to watch you with another girl? Say yes, or he’ll find someone that will. If you say no, you’re just tossing him out.

So I am officially taking applications for a woman who will make me feel like a man, like a success, like a hero. If you have what it takes to make me feel what I need, to keep me from starving, then send me a message today. Just, uh, don’t tell my wife, okay?

Current Location: work
Current Mood: excited
Current Music: The Don and Mike Show

In January they sent out a call for new shorts, as they were running low. I answered this call by submitting a pair of shorts that I had written on my break at work (much as I am writing this now). The second one was called “Nick Iron and the Case of the Lost Shoe”, and the first one was “Mallville”, which is the one they read.

They were not as vicious as they have been to some authors, but it did give The Whore a headache. Preston did express pleasure when it was over, and The Whore felt it was incomplete, which it is. The most awesome part was Preston turning my name into a song. I may have to isolate that out.

If you want to hear Buttons and The Whore read my story, it can be downloaded from Podcast Alley, or you can download it from iTunes. I warn you that AOMS is not work safe, and often contains graphic sexual content and language. This episode is not as grotty as most, but if you think that adult content will bother you, then you probably want to skip it. I’m also about to talk more about the story, so if you don’t want spoilers (not that there is much to spoil), then you may want to do your listening before continuing.

There were some things in the story that were unclear, so I want to clear those up now:

The hospital referenced by the narrator was outside of Mallville. There is a medical facility in Mallville, but it either did not have any corpses in it at the time the virus struck, or they were not in good enough condition to rise. To be totally honest, it did not occur to me that there would be any dead bodies in Mallville, as there is not a lot of violent crime there.

There is no cemetery in Mallville. There is simply no place in there for something like that.

The story seemed incomplete because it is. This is just the first entry in the narrator’s diary, and there will be more (whether or not Preston and The Whore will read them on their show, who knows). 800 words is quite a limit to do a full story with, so this chapter was largely exposition. If I re-write this as one longer piece of fiction, I plan to explain the concept with a little more finesse. You also have to take into account that the narrator is a scared young man who, up until two months previous, sold video games. He has potentially lost the only person he really felt comfortable around, and is not sure how to deal with it.

And so ends that. If you, after listening, have other questions that I did not cover, please ask.

This was the first time I’ve ever heard someone who I did not actually know read one of my stories, so it was quite nerve wracking. It was a fun experience though, so I may have to buckle down and do more writing.

I have a simple request aimed at all members of the gaming press; Can we please stop using the term “Next Gen” to describe PS3, XBOX 360, and Wii? Think about it, the 360 has been out for over two years, and the PS3 and Wii have both been out over a year.

How long were you all planning on keeping this up? It’s already been revealed that Microsoft is working on their next system, due out in two or three more years. Once work begins on the next generation of systems, don’t they automatically become “Next-Gen” and the current systems become the current generation?

If I were to guess why we have this continued use of the term “Next-Gen” I would have to guess that it was due to the fact that new games continue to be produced for the PS2 (although Xbox and Gamecube were discontinued almost instantly). That is hardly a good reason though, as PSOne games kept coming out for years after the PS2 was released (largely sports, “value”, and translations of years old games from Japan), and yet I do not recall this continued misuse of the term “Next-Gen”.

How about trying the term “HD-Gen”, since two of the three current generation systems can play in HD, or maybe just say “current-gen”. So instead of saying that the new “Devil May Cry” game is Dante’s first appearance on the next gen systems, just say it’s his first appearance on the current generation of systems. MGS4 is no longer a next-gen game, it was when it was announced three years ago, but not anymore. MGS4 is firmly a current generation game.

There, I said it. It’s off my chest now, I feel better. I was just finally driven over the edge about it this morning watching X-Play on my TiVo (and I have plenty to say about the new X-play, but this is not the post for that), and could not hold my tongue any longer. *sigh*

Oh, on a totally unrelated not; DJ Atomicka must die! Why is there no option to shut him up? Aaarrrgghhh!!!1!!!11one

David Shuster is likely to be spending the next good bit of time pondering the meanings of this word after the crapstorm he unleashed upon himself with this comment on MSNBC’s “Tucker”:

He’s referring to Chelsea Clinton campaigning for her mother’s presidential campaign, and he’s using the word “pimp” in the more colloquial sense to mean “to promote”. He was in no way implying that Chelsea is a hooker, but that has not stopped him from getting suspended.

Now I am far from the last to acknowledge that the Clintons are attacked by the mainstream media quite frequently, but this seems like much ado about absolutely nothing. Sure “pimp” may not be a nice way of saying you are promoting something (more along the lines of the “to exploit” definition), but Hilary needs to understand that it has a meaning other than the original one.

“Pimp My Ride” does not mean to prostitute one’s car. The term “pimp shot” used frequently by viewers of American Idol to describe how AI promotes the singers the producers want to win does not mean that they were literally selling Katherine McPhee’s body (figuratively maybe), but that they were promoting her. Many words that may have seemed extremely harsh and offensive at one time can take on a softer edge; like the word “humbug” which essentially was once the same as the term “bullsh*t”, but now is a comical way of saying you do not like Christmas.

This whole happening makes me think back to high school. It was in a social studies class, and I do not remember the exact circumstances, but we referred to a female classmate as a “gangbanger”. We mean it in the sense that she was in a gang (which she was), but the teacher was unfamiliar with that usage, and thought we were calling her a slut (which she may have been, but it was not what we were talking about) who likes to pull trains. I think this is the same situation, save that where we were a bunch of teenagers being flippant, Shuster is a TV presenter who picked some ill-advised wording.

To me, the irony of the whole things is really this; technically, isn’t Chelsea pimping her mother, not the other way around?

I went back to work on Christmas Eve. It was only a half day, and I figured it would be a good way to phase back into work. If I had called in sick that just would have made it that much harder to go back on Wednesday. Wife kept telling me I should call in, but I’ve not ever called in sick, and I did not plan on starting then.

Christmas Eve night we had my family over. It was the usual 3 hours of sitting around trying to find things to talk about, followed by a small gift exchange. Dull, but tradition.

After everybody left, Wife and I exchanged gifts. I gave her a Santa Mr. Potato Head, A crossword puzzle game for DS, a game for her computer, and her new laptop (which she is now thoroughly addicted to thanks to the Dream Day and Cake Mania games). She gave me a bottle of Sandalwood scented aftershave balm, candy, and a new laptop (which I am addicted to, but not quite as thoroughly as she is). We spent the rest of the evening loading The Sims2 onto the laptops so she could play it the next day (for reference, she did not play Sims 2 until a full two weeks later).

Doing a fresh install of The Sims 2 is quite the feat since we have all of the expansions and stuff packs to date (*deep breath* Nightlife, University, Open for Business, Bon Voyage, Pets, Seasons, Holiday, Family Fun, Glamour Life, Celebration, H&M, and Teen Style *gasp*), plus then you have to install all of the pre-order incentives, and the official downloads (which give my computer fits for some reason, it takes almost a full minute to do each one, when they should only take seconds each). All told, what with entering the serial numbers for each pack, this installation took a total of at least 3 hours (I cannot give you an exact number, as I had to finish on Christmas Morning because it was taking so long).

Aside from The Sims 2, I also installed Tabula Rasa, and Oblivion (plus its expansions), along with OpenOffice, GetPaint.net, FireFox, iTunes, and some essential add-ons for Sims and Oblivion (censorship patch, Oscuro’s Oblivion Overhaul, etc). Nothing too major, but stuff that would keep me entertained wherever I may be with my laptop.

Christmas Day found us with Wife’s family. This is normally just as boring as my family (although the presents tend to be a bit grander nowadays), but thanks to my new laptop I was not bored at all. I sat playing Oblivion for most of the day (I stole the mouse off of my desktop upon the almost immediate realization that I still hate those little laptop touchpads that sit right in the middle of everything so you cannot help but hit them as you type), and had my neice laughing with delight as I launched arrows into goblins that had the misfortune to step before my bow, sending them flying.

As I said, the presents tend to be better there, and this year was no exception. I got Best Buy gift cards, candy, and a Fly Pen (wtf?). Wife got a standup mirror that opens up to be a jewelry case (which is actually good, as the armoire I got her for her birthday is already full), along with Kohls gift cards, a shawl she liked, candy, and some other stuff that escapes me. Together we got a mini-DVD camcorder. It’s quite nice, but we have yet to actually use it (we have yet to really have occasion to).

I am unsure why Mil and Fil thought to get me a Fly Pen, but I didn’t ask questions. I tried to install it onto my laptop there so they would see me using it, but the included CD does not seem to actually include any software, just a link to their website where I can download the software. Having no net service available to me there (I tried to piggyback on to some unsecured WiFi signals, but nothing unsecured had a strong enough signal. Oh well. I have since used it, and it’s pretty neat. I can use it to freewrite stuff, and then transfer it into the computer.

As I previously wrote, we did get Niece and Nephew a Wii, but we could not just give it to them, as that would have been too easy. For years there has been a running joke that Niece and Nephew are getting boxes of water for Christmas/birthday/Easter/etc, and this was the perfect opportunity. You simply take one large Ziploc bag, fill it with water, add some yellow food dye, and then put it in a nice gift bag.

When it came time for the kids to open their presents, we first give them the bag with the extra Wiimote, nunchuk, and the game I did not keep out of the bundle for myself (bowling). They open it, and Wife says “Now you have a second controller for your Wii”. The kids freak out, and start tearing through the rest of the bag looking for the Wii.

“You did get your Wii, right? Your mom said she got you one.” asks Wife.

The kids look to Sil questioningly.

“No, I waited too long, and wasn’t able to get one. I forgot to tell you.” Says Sil.

Nephew’s face crashes with disappointment, while Niece doesn’t quite seem to get what has happened.

Next we hand them the bag of faux wee,” Maybe this will help.”

Nephew rips through the paper, sees the bright yellow liquid, and is not impressed.

“Eeew!” exclaims niece.

“There you go, now you have a Wee.” I say to them.

Bil makes Nephew hold up the bag of Wee so he can take a picture of it, and then I rush it away from them as it has started to leak into the bag, and we don’t really want to spill the yellow water onto the carpet.

Finally we relent and give them the real present. While they’re reaction was not like the infamous video of the boy and girl getting an N64 (or a toy robot, if all you have seen in the version from the tv commercial a couple of years back… what was that ad for? Insurance?), but it was still a good reaction right up until they tried to open it and Sil wouldn’t let them.

Presents were followed by the usual stuff. The kids had to have help getting everything out of the boxes (Ultimate Bumblebee was by far the trickiest as it has wires in places that no human hands can get to), then there’s dinner, then grandma opens her presents, and then the usual sitting around until we can leave (because while we may get the day after Thanksgiving off, we do not get the day after Christmas).

At one point, Nephew comes in holding a rifle (pointed at the ceiling, not at anyone), “Look what Papa gave me!”

Sil looks and asks,” Is that real, or a BB gun?”, since Nephew already has a Red Ryder from a couple of years ago.

“It’s a real .22”

For some reason Fil decided to go through his gun collection and give a couple out. He gave Bil an old hunting rifle that had belonged to his grandfather. By old I don’t mean to say it was a piece of crap or anything, Fil takes care of his guns, I mean that it is an antique.

Wife tells me that I should go ask for one. I don’t want to go begging though, if he intends to give me one, then he will, if not, then not. So she goes and asks him.

A few minutes later; Wife comes back and asks me what guns I wanted, as I have shown interest in getting firearms before. I remind her that I want a 12 gauge pump action, and a 9mm Beretta (this is largely because it is the gun that one of my first story characters uses).

Shortly thereafter Fil comes in with a 12 gauge pump action shotgun, also belonging to his grandfather. He also gives me the original instructions for it (which are in good shape for being over 50 years old), a couple of chokes for it, and three boxes of ammo. It’s all birdshot, but it’s certainly cool.

He showed me how to load and unload it, and he gave me a storage bag for it. It’s cool to finally have a real firearm to defend myself with in the coming zombie apocalypse.

It’s great having a proper laptop; now I can go online from anywhere in the house. I can listen to podcasts while cooking, game in bed, blog from the toilet (which brings to mind a thing that Scott Kurtz brought up a long while back; It was called MyDump, or Poopr, or something like that. In any case, the tagline for it was “Blog Your Log”, awesome.), and best of all, I can use the computer without Wife having a fit (partly because I’m in the room still, but mostly because she’s busy with her laptop).

I still need to set up a working network though. Right now I can only get one computer online at a time, and I still cannot get the Wii or 360 online at all…grrr.

Alas, with the writer’s strike going on, I cannot put on the usual red carpeted award show I normally do. So in the style of The Golden Globes, let’s just get on with the award.

Today’s VOID goes to Kevin McCullough, columnist for Townhall.com and author of “The MuscleHead Revolution: Overturning Liberalism with Commonsense(sic) Thinking”. Now I’ve always heard the term “muscle head” as an insult to people who are more brawn than brain, but, judging by Kevin’s picture, he appears to have neither.

I’m not here to award Kevin the VOID for his book though, instead I wish to award him for his lack of research when writing an article about the game “Mass Effect”. For those who do now know, “Mass Effect” is an action role-playing game by Bioware (makers of Neverwinter Nights and KOTOR), and it is a game that has garnered some attention for having a love scene in it. Kevin has heard about this, and blown it to completely outrageous levels in his article ‘The “Sex-Box” Race for President”. Befroe you go any farther here, you should go read it; it’s okay, I’ll wait for you….

Done? Okay, let’s continue then.

Now I know what you are thinking, ‘what a tool’, right? Well, it’s not even that article this award is for, it’s his response to the hundred of comments pointing out the inaccuracies in his article that earns him a VOID. You can go read the whole response, but I am going to post most of it here.

(NOTE: I am not editing any of the content of his post, not for punctuation, grammar, or spelling. Anything wrong in his quotes are his mistakes reproduced here just as he posted them)

1. "The most realistic sex acts..." - from the YouTube footage I saw, I still concur, to me these acts are the most realistic put in video games

This can only be because you have not seen a video game since the NES. This isn’t even the most graphic display in an M rated game, not to mention the unrated games sold for PCs in adult bookstores, or so I’ve heard. I’ve never actually worked up the courage to go into one of those places.

- that I have seen. In the lesbian version one woman's hand appears to stimulate the crotch of the other passing between the legs.

Small point here; there is no actual lesbian version, Liara clearly explains in the game that, while her species is feminine in appearance, and do behave as women, they have no gender in their species. There is no male or female, and as such no homosexuality is possible (Or only Homosexuality is possibility without going outside the species, depending on how you want to look at it).

Larger point; the Liara/Female-Shepard version of the scene is exactly the same as the Liara/Male-Shepard, Ashley/Male-Shepard, etc versions, and neither I, nor my wife, saw any hands stimulating any crotches, although there may have been a buttock caress while still clothed.

Today many of the more perv-oriented gamer-nerds took delight in describing for me the detailed description of games they claim are MORE realistic... Ok fine, I'll take them at their word, but for me the statement stands...

So his position, based on pure ignorance, stands because he will not accept that he is incorrect when the facts are explained to him in painful detail.

2. "One can custom design the shape, form, bodies, race, hair style, breast size of the images..." Evidently the only thing I got wrong on this was the breast size,

Well, if by “shape, form” you refer only to the face, then yes. You can adjust skin colour, so that would include race.

though I would like someone to explain to me how the female characters end up having different sizes again on the YouTube footage I witnessed with my own eyes... But the rest of it was true. race, hair style, color - etc.

They end up looking different because they are different characters. The player only controls the appearance of Commander Shepard, not every character in the game. This is not The Sims (which can be modded to actually be what he describes, but Maxis/EA should not be held responsible for how users modify the game), you do not control the appearance and actions of every character in the game.

3. “...the video game "persons" hump in every form, format, multiple, gender-oriented possibility they can think of.”

I originally read this as “you can think of”, which is of course very different than “they (presumably the characters in the game) can think of” since the characters in the game follow a script and do not think at all.

Again true (not that there are that many combinations of human sexuality to begin with.)

It would seem that Mr. McCullough does not have much imagination.

But since the makers of Mass Effect decided to throw in a little alien booty both hetero and homo it seems to me that they covered the range. Would these gamer-nerds have preferred that the game included bestiality?

Technically, wouldn’t the alien on human count as bestiality?

Later in the column I make a reference to being able to perform sex acts, homo and hetero, with whomever... Ok - you can't have sex with every single character in the game...

In fact you can only complete the romance subplot with one of two characters, depending on what gender you make Shepard; Ashley or Liara as a male, Kaidan or Liara as a female. You know how I know this despite only having played all the way through as a male? Research!

But between copulating with Aliens, girl on girl, guy on girl, and according to my gamer-nerd friends who I checked with

“Friends” you obviously hold in high regard to refer to them as what you have described as “sexually repressed” and “perv-oriented”.

- it does not take a great deal of manipulation to add a few extra "kinks" to the mix for those who know a little bit about such things.

Okay, I need some detail here. Does he mean hacking the game somehow? I can see it being easily done on a PC version, but not on the X-Box version. I would have to label this a put-up-or-shut-up moment, and request McCullough explain what he means by “manipulation”.

4. They (the gamer-nerds)

His friends?

also took outrageous umbrage to the claims I made in the column that the game is marketed to teen-age boys. (Though many of those giving me feedback happened to be under the age of 17/18.) The common argument is that because the game is marked "M" that means that no kid under 17/18 (depending on your state) would be allowed access to it. Asinine thinking through and through though. Simply like the fact that movie theaters are this night allowing children underage to purchase tickets, refusing to ask for ID, these games are being sold over the counter by the major chain stores with no enforcement of the age limit suggestions posted on the games themselves. The Gamer-Nerds act as though the packaging itself is all the responsibility that needs to be taken. Of course they themselves probably started hiding their collection of Hustler Magazine under their beds when they were eleven and have thus a good idea of how the "letter of the law" differs from the "intent." Thus the explanation of why they were so sore with me for pointing out the obvious. The silly "M" label stands for, and accomplishes precious little.

You get that straw man, Kevin! I believe the point in people pointing out the M rating to Kevin was that, like movies, the game is clearly marked as to what age it is appropriate for so parents can make that decision for themselves. No one should believe that an M rating will stop minors from getting the game, but it will alert any parent who cares at all about what their kids are exposed to what age it is being marketed towards, which was McCullough’s claim in the first place.

5. The major criticism the Gamer-Nerds had for me in their reaction was this challenge: "Unless you've spent the 20 hours of game time it takes to get to the explicit scenes, keep your fat mouth shut!" Many challenges stated that unless I played it myself then I had no business pointing out its objectionably content.

Still many more suggested Kevin a little research and see what people who knew what the hell they were talking about had to say. It’s not difficult to find accurate information about this game, you just need to Google search it and read a review from any of hundreds of sources. He did not do that though, and instead he comes across looking a total fool to anyone who knows the truth. The problem is that there are plenty of mouth breathers who read his blog and columns who take everything he says as truth.

Would they say the same of a strip club at the end of their block or hookers knocking at their door?

Where does he live? I’ve never had a hooker knock at my door.

(Well maybe sexually repressed gamer-nerds would...) Normal people would not. There is an innate instinct that tells us right from wrong, it's called a conscience.

And it’s too bad Kevin doesn’t have one, or it would have told him to admit he was wrong, that he was irresponsible in his writing, and was fundamentally dishonest in his attempt to further his agenda. If I were called out for being that horrifically wrong about an article, I would retract it and apologize for it.

Did I play the game? No. Did I talk to some gamers who had and who knew the possibilities of the game. Yes!

Then that would mean he was just flat out lying in his original article, as anyone who had actually played the game would have told him that he was wrong on nearly every assertion about the game.You have to remember that McCullough originally described this game as a sex-simulator. He stated that you could design all the characters and make them have on-screen sex in any position you want. This is not a case of being a little bit wrong, this is outright misrepresentation of what the game is about, something he accused Bioware of.

Does it make the lesbian, alien, hetero, homo sex that a player arrives at in the game a proper thing for teenagers to be tantalized by? Absolutely not!

This is true. Luckily “Mass Effect” does not fit that description. The love scene is the same as you would see in any number of movies. Hell, the love scene in “The Terminator” was more graphic. “Mass Effect” shows a couple of seconds of buttock, some side-boob, and suddenly you’re fully dressed again, and you can see your nude partner from the back above the waist. The Sims taking a shower is more erotic.

Midway through the column I turn to a vision

Fantasy

of where such games will lead to in the future, more games using sex as an enticement, more vivid graphics, more, more, more... That is what gamers ascribe to right? Alternate universes where they can escape this world and become caught up in the pursuit of whatever...

Of course you can get the same effect from a book (and my imagination has much better graphics than X-Box 360).

The over-arching point of the entire piece, was not even to encourage censorship - though we ARE allowed to censor smut in this nation, and it has been defined already by the Supreme Court.

And if you were to review that definition, I’m sure you would see that “Mass Effect” does not qualify.

(Thus why we are not Europe with our "blue" channel running on broadcast television nightly.)

That’s nothing to be proud of. Being puritanical when in comes to nudity is not one of America’s finer points. If you look back to your bible, you’ll recall that God got mightily pissed off at Adam and Eve for covering up. It’s the covering up of the body that sexualizes it. You take God’s creation and make it smutty that way. If God wanted us clothed, we would have been born that way… like dogs.

The real point of the piece was however to say that in the election coming up the next President will preside over a society that does more to push the envelope than any that have come before it.

Bollocks! Every generation pushes the envelope. Every generation, as it ages, says things were better when they were kids. The skies were bluer, bread was cheaper, children respected their elders, there was no violence, etc. McCullough’s generation is no different, and neither shall mine be.

That society does so at our peril.

Society also does so at its benefit. Pushing the envelope is why we know the world is round, we know the Earth revolves around the sun, and we can get yogurt in a tube… okay, maybe it’s not all good.

Look, if the Gamer-Nerds need their pervy outlets to find true release and inner peace - then make them drive to the outskirts of town

Translation: It’s something I don’t like, so people who do like it should be punished.

It’s amazing how people like McCullough are happy to censor what they don’t like, but if you dare speak out against Michael Weiner or Rush Limbaugh it’s suddenly violating the first amendment (yes, I know there’s a touch of straw man there)

and be forced to frequent those places that no one wants in the community to get them.

Wal-Mart?

By properly removing sexually explicit material from Best Buy, Circuit City, and Wal-Mart

Oh

we take a step (one that did not need to be explained only a few years ago) in pushing back against the tidal wave of trashy cheap sex that society has ruled harmless, and thus meaningless.

We take a step against free speech by classifying speech we disagree with (or just don’t understand) as offensive.

God didn't design it that way, and no matter how many gamer-nerds spam my inbox with profane dreams of seeing my dead corpse sodimized...

I'm not moving!

I would expect nothing else from someone with rocks for brains.

If you took the time to read Kevin’s original article, and some of the responses, you have seen how his rebuttal to the hundreds of messages his post generated avoided many of the more valid points while twisting the ones he did respond to. Sure, there was plenty of idiots proving Kev’s point about ‘Gamer-Nerds’, but there were also plenty explaining to him why he was wrong.

While Kevin may be a lost cause, it is his readers that are the true tragedy; many of them likely believe what he writes without doing any research on their own, or giving time to any other views. After all, if it is published in such a wonderful right wing haven, it must be true. Only Liberals ever tell lies after all, or that is what must be assumed.

To unashamedly lie to your readers is also an insult, Mr McCullough. You may have many more readers than I do, but you have no respect for them. You make crap up and expect them to believe it without question. I know my readers are at least as smart as I am, and if I put something out there that is composed of such obvious amounts of steer manure I am likely to be called on it. As such, I try to keep it honest, or at least admit when I’m fudging the truth a bit.

So for being a complete mallet-head beyond the call of duty, for ignoring reality when smacked in the face with it, for using willful ignorance as an excuse, for twisting the discussion to make it appear to be about something else, and for showing off the Dumbass Effect, I award Kevin McCullough the first VOID of 2008. Congratulations, Mr. McCullough; may you, and all the people stupid enough to believe anything you say, enjoy your well deserved award.

One final note; I know I said I was going to do a write-up about Christmas, and it’s almost done, this just got my attention over my morning coffee, and I could not let it go. I also have more death stuff to talk about, including the surreality of picking up cremated remains. I make no promises as to when I will post those though.